Loneliness: Let's talk about it

Understanding Loneliness

Sometimes admitting we feel lonely can be hard but it’s important to remember that many others experience similar feelings of loneliness too, and that this feeling can pass. 

Loneliness can affect anyone, at any age, or at any stage in their life. 

Why do I feel lonely? 

You don’t have to be on your own to feel lonely. Loneliness is a feeling of disconnection - you might feel lonely because you are somewhere new and surrounded by people you don’t feel connected to, you could feel lonely while in a relationship or while spending time with friends or family.

You might feel lonely when you don’t feel like you are understood or acknowledged by the people you spend time with, if your relationships feel out of sync or if communication has broken down with someone you are close to.

You might feel lonely comparing your life to what other people share about theirs on social media. You might feel lonely when you're by yourself, while other people might be happy being alone without much social contact. 

You might feel lonely at different key points in your life, some examples are: 

• Moving away from home or somewhere new
• Starting a new job
• The end of a relationship
• Experiencing bereavement

Is loneliness a mental health problem?

Loneliness isn't a mental health problem, it’s a feeling of social disconnection or isolation, but the longer we feel loneliness, the more it can start to affect our mental and physical health.  

Feeling isolated can:

• Increase feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression
• Lead to sleep problems
• Weaken your immune system

Mental health can also impact our feelings of connection or disconnection. For example, if you’re struggling with your mental health, you may want to isolate yourself by avoiding social events and activities, you might find it hard to try new things, or you may be excessively self-critical and perceive even positive interactions poorly. 

We can start to fall into a cycle of loneliness: the longer we feel lonely, the more we isolate ourselves. Loneliness can make us feel like there is something wrong with us, or that the world is an unfriendly and scary place. It’s important to remember that loneliness is a common experience, that there is no shame in feeling lonely and there are little things you can do to help feel more connected.

I feel lonely, what can I do? 

If you are feeling lonely, or know someone else who is, there are plenty of simple, affordable actions you can take, such as:

• Going for a walk with someone.
• Inviting someone out for a coffee and a chat.
• Finding out about affordable events nearby.
• Going along to a gym class or playing in a sports team.
• Joining a society or local community group to meet like-minded people;
• Reaching out to those around you so you can both feel the benefits of in-person social connection.
• Talking to somebody you trust about how you are feeling.

The first step to tackling loneliness is to acknowledge it, without embarrassment or shame. Reflect on the feelings that you are having and consider what would make you feel better. Focus on things that make you happy and fulfilled, taking steps to do them will give you more opportunities to meet people who you have things in common with.

Find more support and advice on the Better Health - Every Mind Matters Loneliness web page to help yourself or others who might be feeling lonely.

Learn more about loneliness, making connections and finding support on the Marmalade Trust webpage